MIDDLETOWN - Alright, we’re in the dog days of one of the most pleasant summers I can remember and I need a rest. I’d like to go to the Caribbean or back to Bermuda, but this summer I think I’ll spend a lot of time on my deck listening to the birds chirp, reading and staying away from the poison sumac that covered my legs last month. I’m also going to plan on spending some quality time with my 17-month-old grandson, Xavier, and get him ready to hopefully take over my love of the theater.

       Now with a bit of tweaking and updating, I proudly present my top-10 list of pet peeves for theater etiquette, revised for 2014. I do this every year at this time and it gives me an opportunity to vent and to see what’s really driving me crazy.

       Coming in at number 10: Don’t leave the theater early. Actors taking a bow at the end of the show--good or bad, and hopefully it’s good--deserve your applause, not the sight of you leaving. And many shows nowadays, e.g., Mamma Mia!, Jersey Boys and Billy Elliot, are not over at the final curtain. So relax until the house lights come on. You never know what you may miss.

       Number 9: Stop talking during the show and turn off all phones, iPods, iPads--anything with an â€�"i” in its name. Pure and simply. You’ve had all day to talk; now it’s the actor’s turn. I was recently at the Bushnell when right behind me a cell phone went off to the tune of the song â€�"Happy.” Really? Most of us sitting very close to this person were not happy!

       Number 8: Like the one before, sit still. Stay in your seat unless you’ve got to use the restroom. And why do people who sit in the middle of an aisle always get up and go somewhere? Do this before the curtain goes up.

       Coming in at number 7: Don’t sing along. I used to be guilty of this until my wife told me I couldn’t sing. Musical theater actors are highly paid and, most of the time, sing beautifully. Wait until you get home, then, like I do, sing the songs from the show until you’ve had enough.

       Number 6: Don’t tell the person with you who’s who or what may be coming up in the show. You may have seen the show before, but the person with you hasn’t and don’t ruin any possible surprises for them or anyone within ear range. While seeing Wickedon one of its stops on the tour at The Bushnell, I sat behind a lovely woman who was obviously there with her grandchildren. Wearing a â€�"Dancing through Life” T-shirt led me to believe she knew this show and she had seen it a time or two. She insisted on telling everyone around her the story, what would happen when and so on. She was sweet and overly anxious to share the show with her family, so I decided not to give her a brief lecture on theater etiquette, but thinking back on it maybe I should have.

       Okay, top five. Number 5: Leave the very little kids home. Hold on, I love kids--I have one of my own who’s now all grown up with a son of his own. Took him to see War Horse a few years ago and we ended up sitting in front of two adorable little tots who kicked the back of our seats for half the show. There should be a law. I nicely mentioned at intermission that War Horse was also a book and a movie that was most likely available on DVD. That didn’t go over big. Hey, at theater prices today, it’s in line to help people save money, no?

       Number 4: If you’re that tired, stay home and sleep. Here again, saving you money pal. One time I not only had a man snoring next to me, but ultimately he used my shoulder as a pillow. If I want to get this close to a stranger I’d rather fly somewhere where I know I’ll be warm when we arrive. At least two and a half hours later I could be in Florida.

       Coming in at number 3: What is the deal with standing ovations? I can remember when standing ovations were reserved for Richard Burton when he did Hamlet or for any of the show-stopping numbers in Book of Mormon. Now all you have to do is show up, be in a show and you get a standing ovation. Not right, people. Not right.

       Number 2: Cell phones. Must I even mention this? But it happens. If you’re a brain surgeon on call, stay home and sell your tickets, preferably to a middle-aged couple who have grown kids and who aren’t tired. And if you’re my son reading this, do you really have to text every minute?

       And coming in at number 1: What’s the deal with the family sitting in the center of the aisle coming in late? Really? This drives me mad! And if they’re in my aisle, good luck to you.

       And one final general comment: Please remember the theater is not to be used as a family reunion hall. There are many restaurants out there that would welcome your business and even have private dining rooms. Use those and not a theater. Please exchange pleasantries then sit and be quiet. This is my new and improved list of pet peeves and theater do’s and don’ts and I’m sticking with it.

       Jeffrey LaGrange can be reached at jefflagrange@yahoo.com . My grandson doesn’t have an email account just yet, so if you have comments for him, I’ll pass them on. Thanks.