CROMWELL - �"Once you’re a mom, you’ve been split into two people. It’s like Peter Pan and his shadow.”

       - Emma Thompson, Oscar award-winning actress and writer, quoted in Time magazine

      

       Have you seen my shadow?

       It’s â€�"a flimsy thing, which is not more material than a puff of smoke, and if let go would probably float into the ceiling without discoloring it. Yet, it has human shape.”*

       The notion of a free shadow, detached from its source, is a strange thing. I mean, obviously, we all know a shadow is nothing more than a dark spot on the ground. But in Peter Pan, a shadow is a tangible thing, with color and shape and movement--it has energy. Young children play with their shadows all the time, for in the child’s imagination, as it was for J.M. Barrie, the shadow is alive and playful and mischievous and… it is real.

       And I would like mine back, thank you very much.

       The moment I read Emma Thompson’s words, I immediately felt the point she was making. So much of myself goes into being a mother, from the first days of diapering and feeding to the more complicated trials and tribulations of guiding inquisitive, precocious girls into the grown-up world. Intentionally or not, so much of my â€�"non-mom” self gets put in the dark, into shadow. Before I know it, I can’t connect with that part of me; it is no longer attached. When there’s a patch of time where I can focus on myself and what I want to do, I’m lost. I’m way beyond Neverland!

       What is a shadow, really? It’s a projected image of a blocked light source. So if you’re playing in the sunlight, your body is the blocked light source. A shadow is the darkness that results from the absence of light. In order for shadow to exist, both light and darkness must be present, together.

       My shadow is probably running around, frantic, trying to figure out how to get reconnected. Once Peter Pan’s shadow was reattached (sewn on by Wendy), it does not come to life until the lights are turned on. Light awakens the shadow.

       If I’m going to maintain a meaningful connection with that non-mom part of myself, I’ve got to keep the lights on and play with my shadow on a regular basis.

      

       â€�"The shadow awakes and is glad to be back with him as he is to have it. He and his shadow dance together.”

       * Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie, Act I (1911)